Residual

Hearing those words “It is cancer” is hard. Hearing the plan for treating said cancer is hard. Receiving treatment for cancer is hard. Chemotherapy is no walk in the park. These are statements of fact based on my experience. 

          Residual side efforts, three weeks post chemo, are strong. Chemo brain is in full effect…the forgetting is real. The pain I feel when doing simple, everyday tasks like washing dishes, has me to the point I can’t do them. Walking begins the day painful, yet manageable. Then comes evening and it is hard to walk to the bathroom. There is no exact timeline for any of the side effects to go away. These are the things I have the biggest struggle with…the cancer I can deal with. Upcoming surgery I have no problems with. I’m not even too nervous about radiation. But the side effects, that I have no control over, no guarantee when they will pass…those I have some struggles with me. The struggles have me looking like this some evenings. 

          

             At the beginning and end of each day I remind myself of all the things I have that are blessings to me. Another day to see the sky and spend with those that mean the most to me. The hubs and mini human a close second. Their complete health. The rest of my health. The strength to fight another day. Framily that stand with me has my pack. There is so very much that I am thankful for during this hard season, including this season itself. 

            Just remember big things, my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and love hard.  As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

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It’s Called Hard Love 

Friends, 

We say things, i.e. “How are you doing”, “If you need anything, don’t heisitate to ask”, “Let me know if there is anything I can do”, “If you need someone to get your mini human and give her a playdate for the day, let me know”. Often times with the belief that we have to say something. I am learning that sometimes it is better to say nothing, rather than say something that…

1. You don’t really mean.                               2.You have no desire to follow through on. 3. You think is expected of you to say.           4. You are saying out of the need to say something, but haven’t thought through and therefore is hurtful or insensitive.

I can say from experience I would much rather a person say nothing than say something they don’t​ mean and won’t follow through on. It’s terribly hurtful and lonely to find yourself in need and no one is there to help meet that need. To look up when you have fallen and weak only to find no one standing there to help you up. Its not always easy to say you need help. 

Sometimes it’s easier to just push through the thing, whatever it is (in my current journey emense pain from the chemo med), than say I need this or that. Pushing through could be easier for many reasons​. Being let down is the biggest for me. Offers forgotten. Needs overlooked. Neglect and abandonment felt. Then there is just the simple fact that sometimes, other things  need the attention more immediately than taking the time to beg for help. God has not let me down once. He strengthens me when I feel weak. God truly is all that I need.

 My heart hurts because I believe we were created for companionship, for fellowship, to journey alongside one another. And not just when times are good and worth celebrating, but when times suck and we need reminding to push on and press into the Father. That’s called Hard Love. 

Just remember big things, my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and love hard.  As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi