River Memories

I remember this time I was probably 8 going to the river and just going for a swim. The hole was pretty deep and we were near a small dam. Always having an old funky pair of sneakers to wear when you got in.

        The water is always freezing when you first touch it. But it’s one of those colds like water out the hose after mowing the yard… freezing, yet the most refreshing, alive feeling you felt in a quite some time.

         I remember being 14 and staying with nanny and Papa’s that summer while we were getting work done on the kitchen. I walked down to the bottom, through the fence and right past those cows to their drinking hole. Next thing I did was jump on in. Swam around and found a rock to hold onto to I could “float” and not get taken off. There is something adventurous and freeing about swimming in a crick or the river. Feeling the water flow over your feet as you walk. 

        I hadn’t felt that feeling in quite a while, so recently when my mini human asked me to join her in the river. Join her I did. It seemed like such a good idea walking down that hill, climbing down those rocks and walking into that freezing cold river water for just a few moments I forgot any part of me hurt. I wasn’t thinking about how different I appeared. I was laughing and enjoying the water with my girl and my nephew. Then I came home and I’m laying there trying to sleep reminded that I’m not 14 anymore. Happy moments and memories don’t come so easily any longer. I am still fighting for my health. I am still fighting for my new normal. But for a few moments that day I was simply enjoying the freezing flow of the river.

     Just remember big things, my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and love hard.  As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

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Heart Hurt

Today my heart hurts. The hurt makes me sad. But I have decided to try a different approach…today I am thankful. I am thankful that my heart hurts because it means I had the opportunity to be close with someone. I had the opportunity to know and be known. I was afforded the opportunity to love and be loved in return. I had the opportunity to make memories, mistakes, to take chances and be vulnerable.

Once we get older it becomes harder to do any of those things. We don’t want to make mistakes and be seen a fool. We don’t take chances for fear of missing up. We are too often too “busy” to make memories because we trying so hard to “keep up appearances”.  Today I am going to try to take chances. I am going to take time to make a memory or two with my humans. I am going to tell my humans that I love them.

Because I don’t know if I will have another chance to make sure they know that I would go to the ends of the earth for them. I am not wake up tomorrow. I may not even make it to bedtime tonight. So I am going to take the moment I do have make sure they know I love them.

Nine years ago today my very best friend was taken off of the machines that were helping sustain her life. A week before that day she was involved in a horrible accident. My heart will never be the same. Her other humans will never be the same. Today I choose to remember the good times…all of the memories that were made before that fateful day. The carnival night. Too much sparkling grape juice. Six hours in Walmart. Joy riding through the county we loved. All of the memories that our friendship was built on.

Take time today friends to tell your humans how much they mean to your heart. Chose vulnerable or closed off. Hug someone a little tighter. Sit at the feet of Jesus and let Fight for the people you have neglected. Most of all love, completely, without expectations.

Just remember big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,
Randi

Disappointment and Delight

Disappointment is hanging over me like a cloud today. I did not expect to get accepted into that art show…but I was also really hoping I would. So when the email came in last night and it was a “you have not be chosen” letter it was a slam. It came on the heels of a not chosen email last week for an event I really thought I had a shot at.

Rejection, let’s call those emails what they are…rejections. Rejection cuts like a knife. When we expect it or try to prepare ourselves for it, we think when it comes in I’ll be fine. Then it comes and we are reminded we are not made of stone.  I know that I am not what they are looking for, or that one qualification is not quite met so I should know quickly that they don’t want me…just a few of the thoughts I tell myself to “prepare” for the rejection to come.  Then it comes in and BAM slammed. Because at our core we believe in fairy tales and wishes come true.

Maybe I am alone in this thought. I’m ok with that, but I wanted to let you know in case you are feeling alone in your rejections and “not chosen”ness, that I am right here with you. I spent two years looking for employment that met my needs and my family’s needs. Two years getting form rejection emails or no acknowledgement at all. Two years applying for jobs just to say I was putting in applications. Positions I could have done in my sleep. Yet, still the rejections came. I am working through the damage that was done. Because God loves me too much to leave me damaged. Working through it can be hard too. However, I am excited to see what is on the other side of this season. Until I get to the over side I am going to press in and get out of this season all that I can.

I have learned that getting the answer we want to the prayers we are praying does not always turn out how we picture them. I am learning that it is ok to not be ok. I am allowed to struggle with moments in my season. Some days are easier to walk through. Other days, like today, are harder. Is it just not getting a place at an art show for my small business…no there are other things on my mind. But I am going to tell this disappointment where it can go. I am going to read and reread this verse until it sinks deep into my soul and strengthens me…But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. Psalms 1:2-3 NIV

That’s what I need today friends, to focus my delight, my mind, my heart back on the Lord. He has a plan that I cannot even imagine and so I am going to wait right here with my coffee.  He never leaves us, never forsakes us and never stops loving us. Even on days we are stuck in our feelings. He loves us too much to leave us there.

We can do this together. We were created for relationship. Just remember big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,                                                                                                                                                       Randi

345

345am is not the same when you are working third shift versus being awoken at the hour. Having worked third shift my heart hurts for those who work that shift then try to do life on a “normal” schedule. Kids activities when the sun is up. Planning times to gather with family and friends. Something always seems to be sacrificed. Friends, I pray you are able to find balance.

On the other hand being woken up by my mini cave-girl at 345am because she needs to snuggle, then having a full on tantrum occurring that results in both of us not going back to sleep, makes for a very long day. Tears have been shed. Were in fact shed before 7am.

I spent a year working 12am to 8am. Six months of that working 12:30pm to 8:30pm, then 12am to 8am. My clock is all messed up. For the last two months I have been working 8:30am to 4:30pm…over here just living the dream. Ha. Ha. Now I am finding it harder to keep my eyes open. Balance is hard in the transitions.

Mini cave-girl doesn’t want her own, super cool room after sharing a room with mommy and daddy for over a year. I on the other hand like that we each have our own space to make our own. She will appreciate it soon. I am struggling with being able to see my new studio space, tools and supplies just sitting there waiting for me. But unable to break away from all of the demands of life, work, child, husband, organizing and purging a new house…transitions, my friends, are hard! Finding balance is the goal. I’ll get there. So will you. We can get there together.

Just remember big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

 

Beginnings of 2016

Hi there and Hello Friends! I hope I find you well enjoying a big cup of your favorite pick me up beverage. Friends, I have not been at the bench in quite some time. I have been starting a new out of the house job. My pack and I have been moving. My mini cave-girl started kindergarten. The hubs started a new job. The last six months or so have been full of lots of new things for us. We are so excited about where 2016 is taking us. I hope 2016 is starting out wonderfully for you and your pack.

MickyAnn finished off the year well. We had several opportunities to participate in events ranging from outdoor concerts to church bazaars. I am really excited at some of the opportunities that await us. With our pack’s move I will be getting my own studio space. I cannot wait until it is all setup and ready for me to get back to the bench. I have so many ideas and just have not had the space or time to focus on making them happen.

I have so many thoughts running around my head. I am trying to decide which direction to take the blog in. I have been spending a lot of time searching scripture, listening for the Father’s voice and seeking to be challenged in every way He sees the need for a challenge. I want to share the thoughts of my heart with you. I pray they bless you.

One such thought is why are we so hard on ourselves? We believe untruths about ourselves, we talk ourselves into places that only make the hurt worse…we have been created to be amazing beings. We have purposes and talents and tasks to do that only we can do. That is such an encouraging thought for us. I had my mind blown on this thought. If I believe I was created for a purpose and I have been given a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)…Who am I not to seek out my tasks. I am prayerfully seeking out my task. I am so excited to see what happens as we journey forward.

First step is getting the studio all setup. Then get some of the pieces in my head out and made. All the while basking in time with my pack. We have more of that lately and it so wonderful!

So there it is my friends, my thoughts, my heart and maybe even a little rambling. Big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

Lies

Hi there and Hello Friends! I hope I find you well enjoying a big cup of your favorite pick me up beverage. I am going to continue taking the blog in a bit of a different direction, as I did last time. I have been spending a lot of time searching scripture, listening for the Father’s voice and seeking to be challenged in every way He sees the need for a challenge. I want to share the thoughts of my heart with you. I pray they bless you.

Do you ever have one thought that runs off into another seemingly unrelated thought? I think about 99.9% of my thought do this. Recently, I have been seeking God about life, the future, parenting, marriage, finances, jobs, heart healing, alone time with Him…and other things. My never seems to turn off. Lately however, when I am reading the Word or listening to Jesus music, as it is called in my house, I am finding my mind and thoughts quieted in a new way. And it is causing me to want to be in those places more and more. But I had to this thought about a kind of round table discussion video I came across on youtube the other day and wanted to explore it. The discussion was about the book The Naked Truth about Sexuality by Havilah Cunningham. I have not yet read this book, though I hope to get my hands on it Very soon. During the discussion Havilah mentions this thought of saving virginity for marriage and how God (there is a whole story there, watch the video) tells her that virginity for marriage does not complete the calling. But rather we are called to be and remain virtuous. I found myself rocked by this thought. And I started to realize there is a whole long list of lies I have been believing and belief in them is and has been tearing me apart. It is destroying who I have been called to be. These lies attempted to destroy my marriage.

This list is not complete by any means…but these are the ones I being called to deal with here and now.

*I will arrive and life will be fixed with marriage.

*Having a perfect home

*I am incapable of doing anything

*Being completely organized and put together like so and so

*Doing stuff

* If I did things like so and so

*Making more money

*If I was/ had what so and so has

*If only the hubs lived up to my teenage list

*If I could just look at my mini cave-girl and she becomes instantly obedient

*Having certain relationships function in certain ways

*Having a child

*Having more children

Somehow if these things were a certain way my life would be better. We have got to stop comparing ourselves to what we see in pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Or anywhere else online. Here’s a though about Instagram…that picture is just an instant/moment in that individual’s life. Our online lives are edited with the highlight reel making it to publication.

These lies I have believed and even told myself to try to get through a day have only taken me farther from the Father’s heart. I have been doing this for years. I believe God is speaking truth into my life. He is telling me to stop believing the lies. To silence the enemy. To know my worth and value in Him. Psalms 18 tells us He saves us from our enemies. John 8 tells us the Devil is a liar. Colossians 3 tells us not to lie to each other. It also gives us a list of how to live together and what not to dos. We have to take care of each other, the first step in that is taking care of ourselves. Guarding our hearts from the lies of the enemy. Stop lying to yourself. Stop believing the lies of the enemy.

So there it is my friends, my thoughts, my heart and maybe even a little rambling. Big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

Ramblings

Hi there and Hello Friends! I hope I find you well enjoying a big cup of your favorite pick me up beverage. I am taking today’s blog in a bit of a different direction. I have been very inspective lately. I don’t say introspective because it has not all been internal. Yet, mostly it has. I want to share these thoughts of my heart with you. I pray they bless you.

Life: The actual plan never works out like the plan on paper. It does not always turn out like how your list looks. But that is ok.

Loss: When we feel hurt over losing someone it is because we allowed ourselves to love. We got close and let someone know us and we knew them. There are memories and stories, lessons learned. Losing isn’t fun no matter how the loss occurs, however I would rather “have loved and loss, then to never have loved at all.”

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Love: The love you grow up with, the one you walk through the hard stuff with, the one that allows you grow into yourself is the very best love you can experience. Sometimes love breaks your heart…and that is ok. You will learn some great lessons from a broken heart.

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good return for

Their work:

If one falls down,

His friend can help up.

But pity the man who falls

And has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

Two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Family: They are going to teach some of the most important lessons. They are going to hurt deeper than you can even imagine. They will also be there for you when everyone else walks out.

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Proverbs 1:8

Friends: Sometimes you have to choose who your family is going to be. And sometimes those people do not share your DNA. There will be those that you think will never leave you and you will wake up one day and realize that time has pulled you in different directions.

The Lord bless you and keep you;

The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;

The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

God: His promises are real. Every last one of them are real! He has never failed me, just like He promised…even when I walked away. Even when I told him I was done and turned my back, it was then He promised He would be right there waiting with open arms. And He was!

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 1 Thessalonians 3:3

Truth: Must be spoken in love. But it must be spoken. Telling people what you think they want to hear is not enough. They need to hear you speak the truth.

Reckless words pierce like a sword,

But the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Therapy: Can work, if you do the work. You CANNOT just say you want things to be different. You have to make them different. Sitting on a couch and having someone telling how to change isn’t going to make it happen. You have to get up off the couch! No one can do it for you!

Dance: loves my very soul. I spent years being strengthened, healed and loved by this art form. Then I just walked away. I don’t know why now, but I know as I walk my mini human explore this form of expression I am reminded how much I love it.

Parenting: is NOT easy. It means I have to make a choice every day, sometimes every minute. It makes me feel like the biggest failure most days. Then there is this one moment every now and then that validates every times I have been consistent, was worth it. Being momma is the greatest honor I have ever been blessed with.

Jewelry: Wither I get to build a career out of making jewelry. Or it continues to be more like a hobby with occasional pieces ordered and bought, jewelry making has been an incredible learning experience for me. I love making rings, setting cabs, cutting jump rings and making chainmaille. I love the look on someone’s face when they open a piece of jewelry I have made has a gift. I love the lessons I have been able to teach my daughter through jewelry. I look forward to seeing where jewelry and I travel in the future.

So there it is my friends, my thoughts, my heart and maybe even a little rambling. Big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi