Residual

Hearing those words “It is cancer” is hard. Hearing the plan for treating said cancer is hard. Receiving treatment for cancer is hard. Chemotherapy is no walk in the park. These are statements of fact based on my experience. 

          Residual side efforts, three weeks post chemo, are strong. Chemo brain is in full effect…the forgetting is real. The pain I feel when doing simple, everyday tasks like washing dishes, has me to the point I can’t do them. Walking begins the day painful, yet manageable. Then comes evening and it is hard to walk to the bathroom. There is no exact timeline for any of the side effects to go away. These are the things I have the biggest struggle with…the cancer I can deal with. Upcoming surgery I have no problems with. I’m not even too nervous about radiation. But the side effects, that I have no control over, no guarantee when they will pass…those I have some struggles with me. The struggles have me looking like this some evenings. 

          

             At the beginning and end of each day I remind myself of all the things I have that are blessings to me. Another day to see the sky and spend with those that mean the most to me. The hubs and mini human a close second. Their complete health. The rest of my health. The strength to fight another day. Framily that stand with me has my pack. There is so very much that I am thankful for during this hard season, including this season itself. 

            Just remember big things, my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and love hard.  As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

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It’s Called Hard Love 

Friends, 

We say things, i.e. “How are you doing”, “If you need anything, don’t heisitate to ask”, “Let me know if there is anything I can do”, “If you need someone to get your mini human and give her a playdate for the day, let me know”. Often times with the belief that we have to say something. I am learning that sometimes it is better to say nothing, rather than say something that…

1. You don’t really mean.                               2.You have no desire to follow through on. 3. You think is expected of you to say.           4. You are saying out of the need to say something, but haven’t thought through and therefore is hurtful or insensitive.

I can say from experience I would much rather a person say nothing than say something they don’t​ mean and won’t follow through on. It’s terribly hurtful and lonely to find yourself in need and no one is there to help meet that need. To look up when you have fallen and weak only to find no one standing there to help you up. Its not always easy to say you need help. 

Sometimes it’s easier to just push through the thing, whatever it is (in my current journey emense pain from the chemo med), than say I need this or that. Pushing through could be easier for many reasons​. Being let down is the biggest for me. Offers forgotten. Needs overlooked. Neglect and abandonment felt. Then there is just the simple fact that sometimes, other things  need the attention more immediately than taking the time to beg for help. God has not let me down once. He strengthens me when I feel weak. God truly is all that I need.

 My heart hurts because I believe we were created for companionship, for fellowship, to journey alongside one another. And not just when times are good and worth celebrating, but when times suck and we need reminding to push on and press into the Father. That’s called Hard Love. 

Just remember big things, my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and love hard.  As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi

Reset Buttons

During hard seasons you have to remember to take time to breathe. We get so caught up in the motions of the new normal that we don’t recognize that our breathing has changed. So when we do realize our breathing has changed,  we look to the things that sooth our souls. The very things that calm our breath to renew our strength. It has to be the things that work for us has individuals. 

My things are making jewelry…Which I cannot do right now, music… Listening to all the music (see the last post for specifics), and the beach! Just listening to the waves and watching them break. Smelling the salt in the air resets my soul. I feel a strength wash over me. So to the beach we went on March 10-12. I needed to have my soul reset. Praise the Lord for reset buttons. And new mercies each morning. 

I received another reset button this past week when my oncologist held my treatment after I went to the ER with a fever over the weekend. I spent the week able to make jewelry. I worked on new designs that had been playing around in my head. I did not feel the pain I had for the previous two weeks. I started to feel almost normal again. Then today was treatment day. And so the journey continues! 

Just remember big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Randi

Hard Love 

During hard seasons we need to find something that reminds us of the light at the end of the tunnel.

There is a light. But often in the hardness of the season we lose sight. That is the importance of the pack we surround ourselves with. For me, one of my things, is the music I listen to.
I bought a cd for my hubs at Christmas, at what became the beginning of this hard season for us. The cd spoke to my soul from the very first tones of sound. It has not left my truck since it entered. It has been my fight song for this battle I am in. For me, it goes beyond diagnosis and cancer and treatment. I am walking through a journey of healing with my God that goes much deeper. The Lord knew I would need NEEDTOBREATHE HARD LOVE to walk with me. And walk with me they have these past couple months.Though I have been a fan for years. Each album they put out seems to come to me at just the time I need the words they have beem given. HARD LOVE is no exception.

Just remember big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Randi

Lies

Hi there and Hello Friends! I hope I find you well enjoying a big cup of your favorite pick me up beverage. I am going to continue taking the blog in a bit of a different direction, as I did last time. I have been spending a lot of time searching scripture, listening for the Father’s voice and seeking to be challenged in every way He sees the need for a challenge. I want to share the thoughts of my heart with you. I pray they bless you.

Do you ever have one thought that runs off into another seemingly unrelated thought? I think about 99.9% of my thought do this. Recently, I have been seeking God about life, the future, parenting, marriage, finances, jobs, heart healing, alone time with Him…and other things. My never seems to turn off. Lately however, when I am reading the Word or listening to Jesus music, as it is called in my house, I am finding my mind and thoughts quieted in a new way. And it is causing me to want to be in those places more and more. But I had to this thought about a kind of round table discussion video I came across on youtube the other day and wanted to explore it. The discussion was about the book The Naked Truth about Sexuality by Havilah Cunningham. I have not yet read this book, though I hope to get my hands on it Very soon. During the discussion Havilah mentions this thought of saving virginity for marriage and how God (there is a whole story there, watch the video) tells her that virginity for marriage does not complete the calling. But rather we are called to be and remain virtuous. I found myself rocked by this thought. And I started to realize there is a whole long list of lies I have been believing and belief in them is and has been tearing me apart. It is destroying who I have been called to be. These lies attempted to destroy my marriage.

This list is not complete by any means…but these are the ones I being called to deal with here and now.

*I will arrive and life will be fixed with marriage.

*Having a perfect home

*I am incapable of doing anything

*Being completely organized and put together like so and so

*Doing stuff

* If I did things like so and so

*Making more money

*If I was/ had what so and so has

*If only the hubs lived up to my teenage list

*If I could just look at my mini cave-girl and she becomes instantly obedient

*Having certain relationships function in certain ways

*Having a child

*Having more children

Somehow if these things were a certain way my life would be better. We have got to stop comparing ourselves to what we see in pictures on Instagram and Facebook. Or anywhere else online. Here’s a though about Instagram…that picture is just an instant/moment in that individual’s life. Our online lives are edited with the highlight reel making it to publication.

These lies I have believed and even told myself to try to get through a day have only taken me farther from the Father’s heart. I have been doing this for years. I believe God is speaking truth into my life. He is telling me to stop believing the lies. To silence the enemy. To know my worth and value in Him. Psalms 18 tells us He saves us from our enemies. John 8 tells us the Devil is a liar. Colossians 3 tells us not to lie to each other. It also gives us a list of how to live together and what not to dos. We have to take care of each other, the first step in that is taking care of ourselves. Guarding our hearts from the lies of the enemy. Stop lying to yourself. Stop believing the lies of the enemy.

So there it is my friends, my thoughts, my heart and maybe even a little rambling. Big things my friends! Big things are coming! So until next we meet at the workbench…keep creating, enjoy your moments and keep your chin up. As always thank you for stopping by and for being on this journey with me.

Big Love,

Randi